Happy Birthday Me

Well I've got all these bottled up feelings, and I need to get them out.

Happy Birthday Me. I'm 25. 33% of Life Completed.

"What's this? We don't pay you to think. We pay you to draw porn." Ahh yes. About that, it's not done. I'm considering drinking. Alone.

Well, what do I want? Do I want my ex to come crashing in here to say she's sorry, and to give me my birthday blowjob? Well, partially no. I don't want her back, but the whole oral sex thing is quite missed. I don't want her back, but I don't want her to read that I don't want her back. Ashley, if you're reading this, I need some damn time. A long time.

I remember last year I was begging her to stay. Don't stay. In a way I wish you would have left sooner. Living another year of bliss with you was great. But now I'm back to square one again...and better for it. In a way I respect your decision to cheat on me. Life wasn't getting better for either of us, and you took a preemptive action. Who cares about the guy you were spending your life with before? Don't worry about him, he'll be fine.

I've got a game to make and I'm excited about it. I'm going to finish that, and then I'm going to feel accomplished enough to look for a woman. See? That's me telling myself everything's great again. I have constantly written it down in many different ways. Sometimes I need the abridged version. Other times it's going right here.

If Ashley thinks she can find someone better than me... Well, shit. I can do it too. There really is billions of girls left.

I was reading Men's Journal today, because I get that magazine for some reason. There's an article about this guy that at the age of 30, QUIT his job to start playing golf professionally. He wants to get into the PGA Tour. "Becoming a world class expert in any field, from software design to concert violin, requires 10,000 hours of practice. Usually that means 10 years of hard work or deliberate practice..."

The article really touches me. You can change your life whenever you want. You can kill yourself, you can drive to hollywood and become an actor, or you can try to become a pro golfer. Society gives us the groundwork. Steady job, steady marriage, steady steady. But we can break this illusion anytime we want to pursue what we want.

He says "I wanted a challenge that was nearly impossible, but theoretically possible, so Golf."

I've made my decision already. Gonna work hard on this game, and next year I'll be out and about riding across America. Crazy shit. I want to go Urban Exploring. It's where you break into abandoned buildings and take pictures. Sometimes people find Meth Labs and get KILLED. And then I want to ride a motorcycle.

Okay. I'm going to 7-Eleven to get some Birthday Snacks.